AQUARIUS: Your lucky number is 59,474,889 – for the second time this week!
ARIES: The ghosts of yesterday continue to haunt you. Ask them what they want.
CANCER: An old romance is rekindled when someone you know wins the lottery.
CAPRICORN: If your birthday is today, you’re looking at the wrong star sign.
GEMINI: Face it, you’ll never afford that world cruise. But at least there’s YouTube.
LEO: What do you prefer? Raspberry ripple or vanilla? There must be better ways to spice up your sex life!
LIBRA: You feel you can take on the world today. But the lawn still looks slightly too short to mow.
PISCES: Roses were made for plucking and lovers were made for writing poems to.
SAGITTARIUS: Leave the money in an old suitcase at the usual place.
SCORPIO: There is always tomorrow. But in your case, you should make the most of the time you have left…
TAURUS: Avoid getting financial advice from someone who counts on their fingers.
VIRGO: You may be paranoid. Why do you keep checking what the goldfish is up to?