They bulldozed Wordsworth’s daffodils!
A monument that shows
Wordsworth writing ‘Daffodils’
is there instead of those.

I’ll plant a field of daffodils
where the Council House now sits,
for I much prefer some daffodils
to those condescending twits.



My love has lips of cherry-red;
her eyes are hazel-hued;
and since she had her sight restored
she giggles when I’m nude.

One night she even asked a friend
to put her grief aside
and be there when I got undressed:
they laughed until they cried.

So now, self-conscious, I won’t dare
let any flesh be seen.
She’s drowning now and calls for help.
Goodbye, my sweet Eileen.

The Battle of Hastings

The Battle of Hastings occurred on 14 October 1066. It had originally been scheduled to take place in a field above the White Cliffs of Dover but this venue was changed for health and safety reasons.  The rival armies broke for lunch at noon and crèche facilities were available for the watching mothers. A bouncy castle kept the kids amused.

At 3pm, it started to rain and the English army ran for shelter. The Normans had brought umbrellas so William the Conqueror declared victory and gave each of his soldiers a commemorative Norman Conquest pen.

The English King Harold, who had placed a large bet at 10-1 that the Normans would win, was found dead with an arrow in his eye and a smile on his face.

One account of the battle tells of souvenir stalls, a grandstand, and English cheerleaders in red outfits, but as colour wasn’t invented until 1953 this story seems far-fetched.